walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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