i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
