I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
