"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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