Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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