1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
