I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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