all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Be still, my beating vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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