exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
