Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize