Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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