So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
