the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize