This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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