I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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