The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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