I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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