This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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