Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
