Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize