Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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