who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
