Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
