I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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