im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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