After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
