Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
