playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
