I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
