I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize