I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
