That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i have two assholes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize