I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize