Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
