party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
