and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So squirting runs in the family.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
