my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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