# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
