oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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