sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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