Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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