it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
