omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
