Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize