I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
