he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
