dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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