who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
