that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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