don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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