i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
