nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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