it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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