There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
