I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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