why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
