Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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