I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
