after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize