Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
