We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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