how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
