the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
