he wants to bone in the snuggie
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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