I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
