I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you had me at cake vodka
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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