so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
