just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
