And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
