Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
