Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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