In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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