The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize